


sever all i knew

by fadetodust



Series: wait, don’t leave me [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, F/M, First Kiss, Heartache, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Near Death, Pain, Protective Josh Dun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-28 04:45:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19805029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadetodust/pseuds/fadetodust
Summary: Josh is overprotective andTyler encounters a crazy-ass fan





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> What can I say...I like pain.
> 
> Forgive me frens

They say all good things must come to an end, and well, whoever ‘they’ are would be correct. It would also be a lie to say they were not ready for life to slow down for a while.

Pulling hoodies over their heads, they said their goodbyes to the venue and the local crew who helped bring their final show in their hometown to life. 

Outside it was beginning to snow, their breaths visible as they made their way to the bus.

“We gonna go see the lights Joshua?” Tyler stuck his tongue out to catch a snowflake, his nose already beginning to resemble Rudolph.

”Don’t call me Joshua, man. Only my mom calls me that.”

Josh shoved his hands deep into his pockets, humming to himself while Tyler puffed warm air into his hands as the bus came into view.

"Man, we picked the wrong exit. Bus is so far and it’s frickin’ freezing."

"I followed you, Jishwa."

Josh took off running ahead, fully expecting Tyler to be right behind him. They raced all the time, it was just something they did and Josh was excited to actually win this time. But when he reached the bus and turned around, Tyler wasn't right behind him as expected. Josh nearly lost his shit when he realized Tyler wasn't alone, either.

Tyler was too far away, saying something to the large figure standing far too close to the singer, and then the guy reached into his coat pocket.

"Tyler!" Josh shouted, feeling lightheaded as the blood drained from his face, leaving it numb.

The man pulled out a pack of cigarettes and just walked away. Josh felt the fear inside of him melt and he sighed with relief.

"He Just wanted a light for his cigarette. Told him I didn't have one.Relax." Tyler playfully snatched Josh’s SnapBack off of his head and stepped into the bus.

"Oh no, the scary big man is gonna get me-." He said mockingly as Josh came up behind him and pulled his hat from Tyler’s head, leaving the singer’s hair sticking up in all directions. “Don't worry so much, okay? You're going to have a heart attack one of these days and I don't want to have to rush you to the Emergency Room on my account, dude.”

"Yeah, okay.” He cleared his throat, heart slowly steadying in his chest. No, not okay. But he would try, for Tyler's sake, to chill out a little. He knew he was being irrational. "Let's clean up and eat something. I stink and I can smell you from over here.”

“I smell delicious." Tyler wiggled his eyebrows.

“Gross.” Josh tried to be convincing but he knew his face betrayed him. Yeah, Josh loved Tyler’s smell, his body odor right after a show. It was one hundred percent raw _Tyler_ and all Josh wanted to do was get lost in it. _Stop it,_ _Josh_ he scolded himself _he’s your best friend._

As the drummer spread the shampoo through his hair, he tilted his head back and closed his eyes. He immediately was swarmed with images of Tyler. Tyler grinning, Tyler running across the stage, jumping from his piano, climbing, screaming his heart out into the mic, Tyler’s body grabbed at all angles by drunk people just wanting a piece of him. Tyler yelling for help.

Josh gasped for breath and fell against the plastic shower wall, muscles flexing with tension. He clenched his teeth as he tried to calm his racing heart. His head hung low as the soapy water ran down his face and neck. 

Was he ever going to forget about what happened at Reading? 

The crew was finishing up loading the last of the gear into the trailer when Josh emerged from the shower. Mark suggested getting a few celebratory drinks to end a great tour, recommending some pub with greasy food and lots of beer. They all agreed it was a good idea and they buoyantly tried goading Tyler and Josh to join them. 

"That place around the corner is open 24 hrs. We can stay all night if we wanted!" Michael hooted.

Tyler looked to Josh and the bandmates simultaneously shook their heads no. They were tired and weren't really up for being approached by anyone who may possibly recognize them, what with the concert having taken place less than a block away.

With the season being over, they had already relieved their protection of duty once the final show had ended. It felt nice to be a normal person again, after months of your every move being watched over and practically being babysat by body guards.

"Ok then. Don't get too frisky while we're gone." Mark teased. "There's gonna be beer. Lots of beer. Sure you're not up for it?"

"Since when do I drink, Mark?" Tyler questioned honestly.

"Yep. All Tyler needs are his red bulls, and me anyways." Josh laughed, receiving an elbow to his side for it.

"Lame. You're lame, Tyler." Mark yelled as the group of guys left the bus. "SO laaaame."

They took off on foot down the dark parking lot towards the busy street, quickly disappearing around the corner.

Jurassic Park played quietly on the small flatscreen, and Tyler nursed a red bull with a bowl of cereal in his lap. Josh was busy stuffing his face with microwaved pizza rolls.

Tyler watched him from across the tiny space, intently focused on his best friend's every move. He grinned at the way Josh was so engrossed in the movie. His eyes roamed over Josh's lips as he brought the food to his mouth and the drummer chewed politely with his mouth closed before swallowing. Tyler gulped along with him, entranced with the way Josh licked the grease and sauce from his lips. Tyler thought it odd how he wished he was a pizza roll right now.

Despite the drama going down on the screen, Tyler wasn't interested in it and felt a slight twinge of jealousy at how Josh hadn't so much as looked his way since it came on. Tyler was such an attention whore.

"Hey Josh, remember that one time you thought that stain stick was deodorant?" 

Well that was easy. 

Josh choked on his soda, cheeks heating immediately when he looked over at Tyler.

"Oh man, you were itching so bad. You shoulda seen your face! I'm surprised you made it through the entire set, dude."

"It was not funny. It was torture! I kept using my drumsticks to scratch my pits. The fans probably thought I was a weirdo."

Tyler nearly fell out of his chair at that. No, he did fall out of his chair. Still laughing, he took his half eaten bowl of cereal and placed it in the small kitchen sink. 

"You think it's so funny?" Josh stood up and followed him. “Oh yeah, I've got one. How about when you ate those bad tacos and had to drop the mic in the middle of "tear in my heart' to go puke? Remember that?"

Tyler turned around then, “Yeah I remember-“ and Josh was standing so close, too close. Tyler stopped breathing and stared at him. But then Josh stepped in even closer, forcing Tyler to press himself into the counter painfully.

”Tyler.” Josh breathed, his dark eyes traveling down to Tyler’s lips. 

“Huh?” Is all the singer could manage, his heart caught in his throat. And then Josh was pulling him into an embrace, an arm around his waist and one tangled in the brunette’s hair. Tyler was confused, so confused. He hugged back easily. “What’s wrong Josh?”

The need to tell Tyler how he really felt was torture, though Josh knew it would ruin their friendship if the truth ever came out. He loved Tyler. Like, _love_ loved him. The way Tyler loved Jenna. And the fact that the singer was an adrenaline junkie, always putting himself in harms way, it terrified Josh. He couldn’t lose him.

Those three words were on the tip of his tongue, and he bit down on said tongue hard enough to draw blood. Josh loved him for everything that made him Tyler, but right now he loved him for letting him have this. He wouldn’t ask for more.

They stayed like that for a while, Josh holding him close and Tyler not pressing him. Whatever was going on with the older man, Tyler understood that he needed this. He just needed quiet understanding and was happy to give it to him.

An hour later, Josh was sound asleep on the couch, drool pooling at the corner of his mouth and an arm slung over his eyes.

But sleep didn't find Tyler. It never did as it always seemed like there was one more idea to get down, one more lyric to write. He knew he should be relaxing and not thinking about music or work, but he also knew that if he didn't jot things down as it came to him, it would be lost never to be found again in the deep abyss that was his mind.

Tyler was concentrating, going over a new poem when he heard a knock on the door of the bus.He checked his phone to see that it was 1:30am.The guys could be back, but they had the entry code.

Suspicious, he peered out of a window and saw a young man who looked to be in his late teens with fine, stringy blonde hair wearing a washed out gray hoodie.

Had this kid really been hanging around this whole time to get a glimpse of them? Tyler felt a little silly at being so anxious. After all, it was just a kid, clearly. 

He shook off his nerves, and being in a particularly good mood, he decided to do something spontaneous and nice. Maybe sign an autograph or take a picture. He grabbed the nearest jacket which happened to be Josh’s hoodie and pulled it over his head. It was slightly big on him. Then he slipped on his floral shoes conveniently sitting by the door. He unlocked the door and opened it.

"Hey." The kid said sheepishly.

"Uh, hi." Tyler replied, unsure of what to do or say. 

"How's it going, T-Tyler?" The boy stuttered, trying to look over Tyler's shoulder into the bus for some reason. "Where's Josh?"

"Um, sorry. He’s passed out for the night. He really gives himself a workout up there behind the kit." Tyler told him, trying to break it to him as nicely as possible that he wouldn't get to meet the drummer. "It’s pretty late so..."

"Oh, ok." The boy cut in quickly. "The sh-show was amazing. It was the b-best night of my life." He told Tyler, wide eyed.

“Can I get a picture with you?” The young man asked expectantly.

”Sure, uh, I left my phone inside so this won’t be going on social media-“

”Its fine. We can use mine.” He happily pulled his phone from his back pocket.

Tyler signed a couple of things, took a couple of pictures with the boy’s cell phone, gave him a hug and prepared to head back inside. 

"Can I please ask Josh to sign something real quick?" The boy asked, his voice ringing loud in the quiet of the night.

"Look, I told you man. He won't be able to. I'm sorry." He tried to say it as kindly as possible so as not to hurt his feelings.

"I want to see Josh. I met you, but now I have to meet Josh now. You’re a duo.”

Okay, what the frick? Did the kid not understand a word he had said? Tyler didn't like breaking hearts, but he was not going to wake up his exhausted friend for this.

"I told you. He's asleep. It's late, just...go home, kid. I appreciate you coming out. Be safe."Tyler turned around again.

"PLEASE." The boy begged. 

"Ok, what would you say to Josh if you met him? Just tell me and I'll relay it to him. How does that sound?"

"I need to see him."

Tyler was done. The kid couldn't take no for an answer, and even though he was irritated, he still felt bad for him.

The musician pulled a pen and piece of crumpled paper out of his pocket, and for the first time he was thankful for Josh's habit of never cleaning out his pockets. The sooner he could get rid of this kid, the better. He had things to do. Tyler scribbled the date and location of their next meet and greet quickly and held it out to the boy.

"Look, I'm really sorry." Tyler said softly. "Just take it and come see us again, alright?" He gave the boy a genuine smile. "You'll get to meet Josh."

His best friend would have yelled at Tyler if he knew how much time he was giving the kid with how protective he has been lately, But he couldn't help it. This was Tyler and he was always there for the fans. Even the strange ones. Maybe it was because he could relate to them all too well at times. We are all a little sick, he had been known to say. And this kid looked harmless. Troubled definitely, but harmless.

The teen stared emotionless at the paper in Tyler's hand. He blinked at it a few times and then back at Tyler, empty, hollow, uninterested.

"I said please." The boy stated coldly in a strange tone that was different than before, off. Tyler felt a chill make its way down his spine.

The hooded boy took a few steps in Tyler's direction which caused the singer to step backwards. He came in contact with bus and dropped the paper and pen. With an impatient sigh, he quickly bent down to pick it up when the kid bolted.

He was halfway inside the door when Tyler grabbed the boys hoodie, pulling him out of the bus and throwing him to the ground. Tyler cursed himself for not seeing this coming. 

The musician, not being known for being particularly strong or muscular, was undeniably agile. He climbed on top of the guy in a matter of seconds, holding him down by the shoulders. He was furious now.

"I don't want to hurt you, buddy. But get the hell out of here or I'm calling the cops." Shit, Tyler had left his phone inside the bus.

A hysterical laugh erupted from the crazy fan beneath him, and Tyler could see the frenzied look in the young mans eyes. What the hell was wrong with this kid.

“You need help.” Tyler told him, concern in his gut but also fear. He squinted his eyes, searching the road in the distance, heart hammering in his chest. "Come on." He whispered. Where the fuck was the crew??

Tyler didn’t see the boy reach into his pocket, he didn’t feel him pull the metal object from the confines of his clothing.

A cry pierced the night sky as steel tore through flesh.


	2. II

Josh shivered. It was _freezing_. He groaned as he lifted his head, blinking the sleep from his eyes and rubbing his sore neck, unaware of what had woke him. Then he realized his bladder was about to explode.

He dragged his sleep-leaden legs down the narrow hallway and relieved himself in the tiny bathroom, mentally noting that it was the longest piss ever. Just then, he noticed how quiet everything was.What time was it anyway?

Josh picked up his phone and turned it over in his hand, dull reflection looking back at him from the dark screen. Rolling his eyes with a sigh, he began rummaging around for a charger when he heard a voice outside the bus.Possibly two voices.

Must be the guys, he thought nonchalantly. Seconds later there was a muffled cry and he froze, every muscle in his body tensing at once.Something was not right and the pit that suddenly found a home in the drummer’s stomach had him moving forward so fast he nearly tripped over his own feet.

He ripped his friend's privacy curtain back, expecting to see Tyler sound asleep, arms snug around his pillow and earbuds in his ears as usual. But no. 

Josh swallowed and he backed away. He glanced toward the front of the bus where the cool breeze seemed to be coming from, feeling anxiety stir in his gut.

Slowly, the drummer inched his way toward the front of the bus, scanning the small space for anything out of the ordinary, pushing a couple empty Coca Cola cans out of the way with bare feet.He stopped at the door and looked out

What he saw beneath the glow of the street lamp, he would never forget for as long as he breathed. His blood ran cold at the sight of his band mate sprawled on the ground.

Fear sent him tumbling out the door and then his feet were in the snow.

" _Tyler_."

He did not know how everything happened so fast, it was like the laws of time just didn't exist, and he found himself kneeling over Tyler's body, knees digging into the snow covered ground. 

"What happened?"Josh's hand hovered over him, unsure if he should touch or not.It was dark but Josh could see his breaths, quick clouds of vapor appearing and dissolving above his mouth and he felt instant relief.

“Josh-“ Tyler tried to stand with grueling effort and Josh took the singer’s arm to pull him to his feet. But Tyler cried out in pain and collapsed, bringing Josh down with him. 

“Fuck, Tyler what’s wrong? What-“. He thought he had mentally prepared himself for if and when anything ever happened to his best friend. God knows he spent most of his time worrying over Tyler against the singer’s insessant pleading against it, but no amount of worrying could have prepared him for this.

Josh’s eyes widened as he took in the sight of Tyler’s hands, his fingers covered in dark red.

"Tyler-“. His brain shut off then, unable to register what it was he was actually seeing. 

"The kid." Tyler tried, each word dripping with pain. "Knife." Despite the lightheadedness and the black spots threatening his vision, Josh somehow found the strength to pull himself together. He had to be strong for Tyler.

"Knife?" Josh’s thoughts were racing and it was taking longer than he would have liked to get any of them out."Who, who did this?" Josh's nostrils flared as anger more intense than he'd ever felt in his life burned in the pit of his stomach. "Who did this to you?"

"It was a fan, b-blonde-" 

Just then, there was a movement in the corner of Josh's eye, and he turned in time to see a dark figure in the shadows. As soon as the kid realized Josh had spotted him, he took off running, boots crushing the snow and then pounding asphalt.

"Hey!" Josh was on his feet in a matter of seconds, snow impacting beneath his cold feet. He pushed with all of his strength to keep up with the mysterious figure, but it was no use. He was losing him. 

He slowed to a stop in defeat, hands on his knees and took in gulps of frigid air into his seizing lungs. Whoever it was, they had already disappeared down a dark alley and there was no way Josh would be able to catch up.

He quickly ran back to Tyler's side, taking his face in his hands. “Josh." Tyler shivered beneath the drummer. "Don't leave me."

"I'm here. I'm here." He brushed the snowflakes from Tyler’s face that had stopped melting against his cooling skin. "He got away. Fuck, he got away Tyler.” Shaking from adrenaline or cold, he was not sure which, Josh glided his hands over his friends body, feeling everywhere, afraid, just _afraid_. "Where, where-" he asked as Tyler took his hand and brought it slowly down down and when his hand made contact, Josh gasped.

" _Ah_." Tyler couldn’t control the sounds spilling from his lips.

As his hand was pressed down into the hidden wound, the drummer's fingers sunk into warm _wet_ hoodieand Josh could feel the world around him tilt. Tyler groaned. “Shh. Don't, Don't talk." He pleaded. “Help me. Somebody help me!Please help!"

But it was early in the morning, and it was too dark, and his phone was dead,and they were too far away from the main road and his voice just wasn't carrying. 

"Please, Josh." The fear in Tyler's eyes was crippling. "What if he c-comes back. You, you-“

”I’ll kill him.” Josh was not lying. 

Tyler coughed, his fingers gripping the drummers shirt. Josh felt around until he found the jagged hole in the dark material and poked his finger through. He haphazardly tore it apart to get a look at the damage.Josh heard a terrible sound echo through the wind. 

"Ohgod-"

Blood was rapidly soaking the white cotton of the singers thin T-shirt when Josh heard himself make that awful sound again.

" _Oh god._ ” The smell of iron filled Josh's airway and he knew he was going to be sick. If only there was time to be sick. He knew what he had to do, and he had to do it quickly if it was going to do any good.

Josh gripped the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head, adrenaline rushing through him as the ice flakes fell against his bare chest. Wasting no time, he wadded it up and pressed it onto the wound with as much force as he could.

Tyler cried pitifully, digging his heels into the ground as if to escape, and Josh had never hurt Tyler before. Had never caused him _pain_. He wanted to take his place so badly he would have given anything. Anything at all.He didn't even feel the cold air on his shoulders nor the frozen stiffness in his toes.

He shouted for help again, his throat raw and took in their surroundings.

A homeless man emerged from around the corner, a brown paper bag falling from his hands. There was the sound of glass breaking as soon as it hit the asphalt. He stared with shocked eyes as Josh looked up at him. Before Josh could say anything, the old man was scurrying away in fear for his own life."Hey you!" Josh called after him.

"Josh." Tyler whimpered, reaching for his friend’s hand. Josh intertwined their fingers. "Josh.” Tyler said again, pain etched into his face.

"I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

"Who would’ve thought-“ and Josh winced at the sound of Tyler’s voice. The look in his brown eyes made Josh grip his hand harder. “-this is how I’d go.” He gave a weak laugh.

“Stop.” Josh demanded. “You’re not going anywhere.”

Josh patted down Tyler's pockets before running back into the bus, tearing the place apart until he saw it. There, under a little table in the back room it sat, plugged into the wall charger was Tyler’s phone. He thanked whoever was watching over him and began dialing with trembling fingers.Josh dropped the phone twice before he was able to dial the simple three digit number.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"Yes, my friend, h-he's hurt.There's blood everywhere, I don't know what to do.” Josh returned to Tyler’s side, mentally noting how pale his friend looked. “Please send somebody.Ambulance, yes I need an ambulance! Y-yeah I am putting pressure on it. Hurry.Please hurry."

After giving the dispatcher their location, he tossed the phone aside and took Tyler's face in his hands, muttering promises he was determined to keep.

"Everything will be fine. You hear me? Keep your eyes on me. Just hold on."

Josh said a prayer before taking the shirt and resuming his efforts to stop the bleeding, pressing on the wound harder this time.It didn't take long for the shirt to become soaked, and more blood coated the drummer’s hands, making him feel faint at the sight of it.So warm and thick, sliding over his fingers.Too much, it was just too much blood. How could Tyler be alive with so much of his blood on the outside?

Josh forced down bile and pushed down harder, afraid he was going to crush Tyler or fall straight through him. “I’m sorry.” He was sure he was causing more damage than good. 

Tyler begged him to stop, and Josh apologized again and again, the pain in his heart surely mirroring Tyler's physical pain. Tyler sobbed, a wretched sound before going completely still. 

"Hey." Josh said breathless, and he let the shirt fall from his fingers, bloodshot eyes searching Tylers face. He was so peaceful, snow-kissed lashes fanned against his cheeks, and Josh felt panic grip him.

“Heyheyheyhey. Nononono. Don't do this." Josh felt for a pulse in Tyler's wrist, then the soft flesh of Tyler's throat; but his hands were shaking so violently and he was no expert and he did not feel anything.So he slapped him hard, taken over by a helpless and blinding rage.

"Come on! Don’t do this, Ty!” He roared, shaking him harshly, feeling no guilt for the flush blooming on the side of the singer’s cheek.

With a groan, Tyler’s eyes fluttered.Josh was so overcome with relief that he nearly collapsed on top of the singer. “There you go, there you go.” He cooed, gently caressing Tyler's cheek until brown eyes looked back at him. “Hey. Keep those pretty eyes open for me."

"No." It was barely audible but Josh heard it. 

"Do it for me, baby.Do it for me."

"S'hard."

"I know it's hard, I know." Josh felt his eyes burn but quickly blinked it away. “You're gonna be okay."

“Liar.” Tyler made a terrible sound, and a slow trickle of red crept from the corner of his mouth.

"Shit.” Josh held Tyler close as the singer continued to cough.

"I'm sorry....'m so stupid." Tyler clung to him desperately.

"Please stop talking.Breathe.Just keep breathing."His fingers fumbled with the wadded shirt before pressing on the wound again.

" _Fuck_." Tyler gasped, eyes closing tight.

"I said keep them open, damnit."Josh demanded. "I'm sorry.God, I'm so sorry.Just look at me.Don't cry, look at me."

"Hurts." Tyler ground out past clenched teeth. His mind was on the verge of shutting down from the pain again, fighting against the darkness that kept trying to take him under. 

"I know, I know it hurts.But you are strong.You're so strong, Ty.God, you've gotten this far.Please...Don't close your eyes.Don't-“.

“Please, stop.” Tyler begged.

_”I can’t.”_

” _Please_.”

And it was the pain in his voice that stilled Josh’s efforts, and he reluctantly relaxed his shoulders, then his arms and finally he eased off the wound. Tyler sighed, visibly relaxing as Josh curled up beside him.

"Wanna. See. You-“ Tyler rasped.

Josh buried his face into the singers hair and breathed, choking back tears and failing. But he gathered himself as best he could before pulling back and letting Tyler have his fill.He quickly wiped his eyes.

"Hey." Josh gave him that beaming white grin Tyler loved so much.

"Hi.” Tyler smiled as a tear escaped, trailing down the singer's clammy cheek.

"I'm right here, baby boy.I'm right here."

"Love your eyes."Tyler said softly, like a prayer. 

He let Tyler take in his face to his heart's content as he felt his own heart swell in his throat.

"S'okay." Tyler told him, and that was when Josh saw the resolution in his eyes.

"Please." Josh choked, and he lost it then. Tyler watched him with something apologetic and pleading in his eyes.

Josh shook his head, the anguish debilitating.He loved the younger man so entirely he couldn’t breathe or think or stop himself from kissing Tyler's lips as he cried from deep within the wells of his soul. An endless cascade of pleas falling from his lips.

Josh could not fathom a world without Tyler in it. He _was_ Josh’s world.

The drummer gasped against Tyler's mouth, completely incapable of feeling anything other than pure desperation as he clung to the only man he would ever love. He pulled away to let Tyler catch his breath.

“Thank you.” Tyler’s voice was all wrong, and Josh was suddenly struck with the realization that this was their first kiss. The irony. It just wasn’t fair.

"Stay with me. Stay here with me, Ty. Don’t you dare leave me-“

"I love you." Tyler breathed against the drummer’s mouth. Such cruel words. Cruel, cruel words. Josh whimpered. 

He kissed Tyler with all the love he had ever felt for the boy, soft and gentle, strong arms lifting him from the ground to press closer.

"I love you." Josh wept against him. "iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou-" 

He wanted to laugh, and he wanted to cry, and so he did.

He wanted to curse the fates for being so cruel.

Josh caressed Tyler's ashen cheek as he tenderly planted feather-light kisses against his lips. 

His body stilled beneath his grip, and when Tyler stopped responding, Josh held him.

"Help will be here soon, yeah?" He tried to reassure his best friend."You'll be fine. Tyler, Tyler you'll be home with me and Jenna and your mom and everyone before you know it."Josh promised, combing his fingers through Tyler’s hair.

He sniffled, frozen tear tracks stiff on his cheeks. “I know how much you love the lights. We'll go see them.We will see all the lights in this whole godforsaken town if you'll just stay with me." He begged. "Please don't die."His voice was so much higher than he remembered. 

"Josh!"

"What the fuck?"

"Oh my god! Tyler!"

"Jesus..."

Voices in the distance, and Josh was vaguely aware when the body was pried away from his hands. He was vaguely aware as he was pulled into an embrace.Josh was vaguely aware of a siren and lights approaching.

_Lights_.

He has to take Tyler to see the lights.

"T-Tyler...wait...I have to-" Josh muttered, confused.

"You're okay, man.Come on.You're okay. Holy fuck what happened here-"He felt an arm around him, a hand on his back and leading him away.He didn't want to go.

Tyler was lifted from the ground

Josh was numb.


	3. III

Josh did not feel the hands that poked and prodded his body as he was thoroughly examined in the small, steril room.

It were as if he was at the end of a tunnel, the voices unable to reach him.Because he was drowning, _drowning_.Josh's brain betrayed him as image after image flashed before his mind's eye.

Tyler writhing 

Tyler begging 

Tyler choking

' _Joshua_ ' 

his voice like gravel

his soft lips

cold lips

‘ _Mr. Dun’_

unresponsive 

hemorrhagic

bp 78/43

' _Joshua_ '

the gurney

the body 

blood in the snow

"Joshua."

The bucket did not quite make it to him in time, vomit burning its way up his asophogus once again.This was the third time he had thrown up in an hours time, and the only stuff left to expel was acid.He gagged and sputtered what was left into the bucket, two figures in white coats watched with concerned expressions. 

When his stomach finally calmed, one of them held up what looked like a pen and shined something into his eyes.He shrunk away from the bright light. "I don't have a head injury."He spit into the bucket, sour taste.

"Son, do you have any idea who would want to hurt Mr. Joseph?"A gray haired man with a badge and a deep, soothing voice asked Josh, pulling the drummer's swollen eyes away from the doctor's. Josh felt suffocated.He didn't want to answer any questions, exhaustion weighing him down to the bone.

"No, nobody."He told the man.As afraid for his friend's safety as he was, he knew Tyler did not have any enemies to speak of.His band mate made friends wherever they found themselves.Yeah, the singer could be a complete asshole at times, but it was a facade.He was to the core too pure, too good. 

For evil to come looking for the singer, it was just unthinkable.All he ever did was worry about others and try to help people, which usually placed himself at the back burner of it all.How could anyone want to hurt Tyler?"He, he-"Josh felt a new wave of emotion and he had to take a moment, running a shaky hand through his hair as the filthy bucket was taken from him.

"Joshua, what you've just experienced, well, it can be a lot to deal with."The middle-aged woman in white was gentle as she spoke."I think it could do you some good to talk to someone-"

"I'm fine."Josh said, eyes shooting up to hers, piercing."I'll be fine." He knew it was a lie, but he couldn't talk to some stranger about his feelings.They could never understand. Impossible.

The officer stayed long enough to take down a rough description of the suspect, but it wasn't much to go on.It had been mostly a shadow that Josh had seen.He could only give a guesstimate of height and weight, and he felt guilty.So goddamn _guilty_.

"And you said he was blonde, correct?"The officer asked without looking up from whatever he was writing.

"That's what Tyler said."Josh dragged a palm over his face, trying to ignore the images his mind was conjuring up again.

"Well son, we have in our possession what was intended to be the murder weapon."Josh's blood ran cold."And we managed to get some fingerprints from it.Once we run them we will inform you if there is a match."The man said as he stood up. "We'll keep in touch." 

"Mmhm"Josh murmured as he chewed the skin around his thumbnail. 

"Oh and Mr. Dun."The policeman turned around in the doorway."I'm sorry about your friend."Josh closed his eyes.

It was quiet while the nurse cared for his feet, and Josh felt like everything was a dream.The bed he was perched on was not real, the medical staff that walked by with their clipboards and name tags, not real. 

His family who had arrived at the hospital as soon as they had gotten the call. Tyler's parents crying. Jenna wailing. Not real. The words they spoke to each other, ghostly and foreign.Not real. His own body did not feel real. Nothing was real. 

Blood, sweat and tears were scrubbed carefully from his skin before he was laid down onto soft sheets.A straw was brought to his lips and he drank, if only to get rid of the awful taste in his mouth.

When the door was shut and he was finally left alone, he sighed and looked down at his feet. They were warm and some sort of goo was slathered all over them. 

Josh looked all around, the white walls felt like they were closing in on him.He opted for looking out the window.It was still snowing. The moon was sitting in the sky, a warm glow in the midst of darkness.It would have been a comfort if only the last time he had seen it hadn't been a reflection in Tyler's eyes. 

In the quiet of the lonely room, Josh felt simply helpless.He wanted to see Tyler with his own eyes. He needed to know without a shadow of a doubt that he was alive. But all he had were his thoughts.

'Sir, you need to calm down-'

'Is he alive?'

'Sir-'

'Where did they take him? Where is he?'

'I'm sorry sir,'

'Tyler!'

'Sir, please calm down!We need to take a look at you-'

'Tell me he's alive.Just fucking tell me'

'He's in surgery'

Josh was restless, and his head was pounding. He pushed a button by his bed and the nurse brought him pain meds. Sleep found him quickly after that, his mind comfortably numbed by pharmaceuticals and exhaustion.He dreamt of shadows, blonde hair and blood.

It was morning when the young nurse helped lower him into a wheelchair."Your family was just here.You slept through their visit."She told him."Your friends stopped by as well. Mark, I believe? They should be back later.You're very lucky you didn't lose any toes, you know."

Josh didn't respond, his tongue sitting heavy in his mouth.She gently maneuvered his chair down the long hall.He did not feel particularly lucky.He should have stopped that sicko. He should have run faster, he should have been able to beat him down and then bash his head into the concrete."That's bullshit."He hadn't meant to say it out loud.

The nurse smiled an understanding smile. "Even if you don't feel very lucky, I'd say your friend is the luckiest man in Columbus right now.He has you."She turned, wheeling him into a quiet room, one bed occupied."I'll leave you two alone."

Josh couldn't say _thank_ _you_ past the lump in his throat, so he let her leave silently.

Josh couldn't blink as he took in his best friend's appearance. His gaze traveled from the bandage on Tyler's abdomen to the tan skin where shallow lacerations were scattered.Josh bit his lip, continuing up Tyler's chest finally to land on his boyish face. He was clean and looked so normal.Josh was grateful the blood on Tyler's face was gone.

Tyler's chest rose and fell slowly. Josh stared at the nasal cannula in his nostrils. The drummer let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding and took Tyler's warm hand in his, bringing it to his lips. 

"God, Tyler." Tears stung his eyes but then there was a small knock and a feminine voice behind him.He quickly blinked away the tears and cleared his throat.Jenna's dress swished when she walked to the other side of the bed.

Josh continued to hold Tyler's hand, he didn't care."He can breathe fine.The oxygen is just a precaution." She said quietly, running her fingers up and down the singer's arm.Josh nodded, watching her fingers sliding up and down up and down. The diamond caught his eye and he felt his empty stomach lurch."The doctor said he should make a full recovery."

She leaned in and kissed Tyler's forehead, her lips lingering there as tears slid down her cheeks.Josh felt a twinge in his hollow chest.It was his fault, all of it.Tyler had bled out in his arms, flatlined during surgery. He died. Someone had entered their world, killed his best friend and Josh had been snoring while it happened.

"I'm sorry."He croaked."I'm sorry, Jen-."He couldn't even look at her.Highheels were loud against the tile as she scurried over to the weeping man. She wrapped her arms around his shaking shoulders. 

"Oh Josh.All you did was save his life."

Tyler's family had come and gone again, and Debby had stopped by for emotional support.

”How are your feet?” She asked him.

”Fine.” He told her, and she gave him a disbelieving look. “No, really. Barely even frost bitten.” His ex giggled and then cried as she hugged him.

She was wiping her tears when the surgeon walked into the room, sharing a smile between Josh, Debby and Jenna. "Excuse me, I'm just checking in on his condition, it will only be a moment.Don't mind me."Dr. Reeves' expression was unreadable as he read Tyler's vitals, lifting the sheet and inspecting his work.He pulled back the bandage and nodded his head.

"How is he?" Josh asked, voice floating with hope.

"Things look to be on the upside. Lucky guy, your boyfriend here. No serious injuries to his organs.” He looked at Jenna.

"Wife." She corrected him. Josh squirmed.He looked down at his friend's resting face and saw the singer's brow twitch just the slightest.

"Is he in pain?"Josh asked while Debby scratched his back with her nails.

"He is on heavy pain meds, so he should be feeling wonderful."Dr. Reeves' assured him."The next administration is in the next hour or so.I'll remind the nurse for you."That made Josh feel a little better.He didn't want Tyler to feel anymore pain.

"Good, th-that's good."He said as he watched Tyler."Uh, will he be waking up soon?"Josh was afraid to ask, but he had to.

"Well, that depends on him."The man crossed his arms and continued."His brain activity is fine, his body needs to heal.Just keep talking to him."He said with a tight lipped smile. 

"Tyler, honey."Jenna gently brushed the hair from his forehead."Can you hear me?"

"I'll let you get back to just that.If there's anything you need, Amelia should be available.She will be his nurse for the evening."And with that he left them alone.

Four days went by before Tyler came around.Jenna was by his side, rubbing circles into Tyler's hand with her thumb.Josh was sitting in his wheelchair in his designated spot, curling his toes.He should be allowed to walk again soon.He could probably walk now, but ya know, _doctors_.

He stared numbly at her delicate hand massaging Tyler's when there was a groan.It was so unexpected and sudden that Jenna jumped in surprise while Josh snapped out of his trance.Tyler's lids fluttered.

"Baby."Jenna all but squealed. She pet her husband's face and hair. Josh did not watch when she kissed him on the mouth.

Tyler's voice was raspy when he tried to speak, and Jenna shushed him. The drummer's heart swelled and it was all he could do to contain himself.But he knew he had to let Jenna have this moment.Tyler was hers.Josh watched familiar eyes open then go through a series of emotions.

The beeping of the heart monitor began to speed up, and without warning, Tyler tried to _get out of the_ _bed_."You're in a hospital.Stop!You're hurt, Ty.You can't get up yet."Josh and Jenna both were yelling simultaneously.Tyler ripped the IV needle from his vein, and medical personnel piled into the room. One of them pulled a syringe from seemingly out of nowhere.

Josh and Jenna were ushered out.

"It was a panic attack."The doctor told them. "He woke up confused, scared.It's common, I wouldn't be too concerned."The doctor spoke mainly to Jenna."The sedative kept him from causing himself more harm, I hope you understand."

Later in the quiet of the night after everyone had left, Josh found himself alone with Tyler.He ignored everyone's nagging for him to get sleep, he did not need it.Didn't they understand? He needed his best friend.He refused to leave Tyler's side.

Resting his head on Tyler's bed, he hummed their songs, swallowing down the worry in his gut that he would never hear the singer's sweet voice again. He stopped when he heard the news reporter say _Tyler_ _Joseph_ and _police_ and _investigating_. 

The drummer reached for the remote to turn up the volume when Tyler said his name.

"Josh." It was just a quiet sound, and he almost missed it over the noise of the television. Josh forgot he wasn't supposed to stand.

"Tyler-". He fell clumsily against the bed railing, trembling fingers cradling the singer's hand to his heart. "I'm here-"

" _Ow-_ "

"Sorry, sorry-". He began to pull away, afraid he had hurt him.

"No come back."Tyler whined.He didn't have to ask twice, and then Josh was pressing his forehead to the singer’s.He was unable to stop the emotions that gathered in his lashes, falling onto his friend's face beneath him. 

"I was so scared." He said shakily, and then he felt fingers in his hair. His heart was surely going to burst in his chest. 

”Josh.” It seemed to be the only word Tyler knew, and it was the most beautiful sound in the entire world. “ _Josh_.” 

“You died. I felt you die, Tyler. In my _arms_ -“ 

“I’m alive?” Tyler whispered weakly, Josh’s harsh breaths against the singer’s lips. “I’m alive.”

“I felt you leave. I felt your _soul_ leave me. I-“

Josh fought the urge to lean in and kiss those trembling lips mere centimeters from his. The precious metal on Tyler’s left hand cleared the drummer’s head and he forced himself to hold back. 

“The kid, what happened-“ Tyler asked him, voice raspy from disuse. And it must have been the drummer’s expression that made it all too obvious. 

Tyler’s face fell. “He’s still out there.” It wasn’t a question.

”Shh, don’t talk about him.” Josh shook his head, smoothing Tyler’s hair back with his palm. “He’s not important. god Ty-“ Josh breathed, it was so hard to contain his feelings and he finally kissed his own tears from Tyler’s cheek, then his chin.

When Josh’s lips trailed over Tyler’s nose, the singer tilted his face up so their lips met together, pulling a gasp from the drummer. Tyler’s mouth moved slowly against his, and Josh was dizzy, lost in the feeling until _her_ face appeared behind his lids. “ _No_.” Josh half sobbed. Tyler looked at him, hurt etched into his features as he clung to his friend’s shirt, confused.

”Jenna.” Josh choked her name, and Tyler’s eyes glistened as he searched Josh’s for the longest moment. “Jen-“

Tyler pulled Josh into him, smashing their lips together again, effectively shutting him up. With a grunt of pain or need, it didn’t matter as he kissed the drummer, something desperate in the air. “Ty-“. Josh murmured against his lips, tears rolling down his cheek. “-thought I lost you.” 

“Josh, I-“ Tyler’s head fell back into his pillow as Josh trailed his lips across his cheek to nuzzle his ear and the soft hair behind it. “But the kid, what if he-“

”Don’t. _Please_.” Josh brushed his lips softly against Tyler’s skin, feeling a chill run through the body underneath him. 

”Need you.“ Tyler begged. “ _Josh_.” The drummer was careful, oh so careful as he cradled the singer’s face and Tyler clung to him. The kiss was tender, full of adoration and concern and _love_. When Tyler pulled away for air, tears were in his eyes. He smiled then, something akin to awe. And Josh was in love with him.

“As soon as we’re out of here, I’m taking you to see all the Christmas lights in this city.” 

Tyler’s eyes lit up and he smiled that crooked toothed smile that went all the way up to his eyes. Josh’s matched his and the drummer kissed every knuckle on his hand, trailing kisses down Tyler’s arm, his neck and then down down. Tyler sighed. The drummer rested his cheek against the singer’s bare chest and closed his eyes. 

thump thump thump thump thump 

”What are we gonna do, Josh.”

The drummer opened his eyes. 

“About the kid?”

” _No.”_

Oh

Josh felt his throat tighten painfully.

”I don’t know.” He said honestly.

”I’m married.” Tyler said, voice think.

Josh closed his eyes. “I know.”

”Josh I, I-“

”Me too.”

They held onto one another and shared the same air for what seemed like hours, confessing secret words of love that were only for them. Josh brushed the tears that crept from the corners of Tyler’s eyes with his thumbs, and the younger man never let go. They found comfort in each other's presence, and Josh found himself nodding off shortly after Tyler.

He woke up in an uncomfortable, twisted position in the small space beside the sleeping brunette, heart sore and eyes swollen. The light from the television hanging on the wall filled the room with a bluish glow. 

Josh squinted from the light emanating from the screen and sat up.His heart froze in his chest when he saw the dark figure standing by the window.

He rubbed his eyes quickly before looking up again, but he was confused.Nothing was there.He shook off his nerves, positive it had only been his paranoia getting the best of him.

Standing on his sensitive feet, he limped to the small bathroom and switched the light on. The water from the faucet was cold as he scooped up a handful and splashed his face.

He sighed, looking up into the mirror at his tired reflection.Something moved over his left shoulder and he spun around, just barely missing the blade that was aimed for his chest.

The boy swiped at him again, slicing into Josh's arm sending the drummer into the wall.When the blade came down at him again, Josh grabbed the arm wielding the weapon with both of his hands, muscles straining as he got the upper hand.

His knee went into the boy's stomach, and the blade clattered as it hit the ground.Josh clipped him in the jaw with an elbow, sending the guy to the floor.He dug his knee deep into the crazy man's stomach, rendering him trapped.With his weight holding the kid down, he reached for the knife resting on the tiles and wrapped his fingers around it.Josh brought it high above his head, fury vibrating through his entire body, venom in his veins. 

Wide eyes stared up at him, and Josh's hands shook,knuckles turning white."You hurt my friend."He seethed."I should fucking _kill_ _you._ "

"Don't."The small voice tore Josh’s attention from the man beneath him.Tyler stood slumped against the doorway.He looked at Josh with tears in his eyes."Don't do it."

Josh should do it.Why shouldn't he?He tried to destroy their lives.He tried to take everything from Josh. _Everything_.But Tyler was right. 

His hands shook before he brought the knife down down, tossing it into the corner of the small room.

Josh was no killer.

He was cuffed in the hospital, and his canines poked out when he smirked at Josh as they lead him down the hallway.His hair had been dyed black and was cut short, choppy, messily.Josh felt queasy.He would have never recognized him as Tyler's attacker.He looked like just an average guy. Harmless.

It turned out the kid was only seventeen.He had an intricate hit list of musicians and singers he had planned to kill. 

Tyler and Josh were the first on that list.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’ve come to the end and it’s bittersweet. I hope you enjoyed this short little story of mine.
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts and thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> Xoxo


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